Most of the kids at South Park, apart from Cartman, have iPads. Apple employees chase and kidnap Kyle and claim that their action is legal under the new iTunes terms and conditions that Kyle agreed to. Cartman loudly accuses his mother of fucking him. The kindergarten students perform a play about the importance of dental hygiene and tooth decay. Mr. Mackey is furious when Ike, who is supposed to play the part of the tooth decay, misses a rehearsal. During a Canadian royal wedding, the princess is kidnapped and people all over Canada commit suicide out of despair. Cartman rants about the list portraying the results of the student’s annual school physical, thinking that the teachers have posted a list of the sizes of all the boy’s penises. Believing that the list posted is not accurate, he posts his own after measuring all the boy’s penises.

Kyle goes to the hospital to act as a volunteer but finds that Cartman is already volunteering there, which makes him suspicious. When he follows Cartmen, he finds that a new business has been formed, the ‘crack baby basketball’, where all the crack babies fight against each other for a piece of crack. Kyle though horrified at first is later convinced to work for the business as its accountant. Stan is given a CD from ‘Tween Wave’ at his birthday, but his mother forbids him from listening to it. His parents argue about it and the CD is later taken away. Cartman attempts t fake Asperger syndrome. Starting out as a game, Cartman joins the US Border Patrol and he discovers that he is good at it. Students at South Park Elementary are victims of a new gossip website, where an elusive hacker posts all their stories and secrets.